Fallen Petals, Flowing Waters
by wingyan1320
Summary: Since the break-up, Magnus and Alec went their separate ways. They didn't exchanged a word until 15 years later, their paths crossed again. Malec.
1. Chapter 1: A New Life

**Disclaimer:** All the characters belong to Cassandra Clare.

**A/N: **This story will be about 5 chapters long. I've made the plot and I hope you guys like it. **Warning this is not a happy ending.**

* * *

**Chapter 1: A New Life**

The relationship between Alec and Magnus was a hurdle race. They had overcome so many obstacles: the battles, Alec's coming out and those silly arguments. Yet when Magnus thought they were about to win the race, the last hurdle tripped him over. He fell hard and he barely survived.

Facing this hurdle, he knew they couldn't make it.

He couldn't explain how disappointed and sad when he received Camille's letter. He thought it was just a trick she pulled. He hypnotized himself that Alexander – the honest, straightforward boy – would never do this to him. Even when Alec sneaked out under the expression of Magnus was asleep, he wanted to believe that Alec just went for a walk, like he said last time. He had never been this scared.

Although he had prepared to brace whatever the truth that was surfacing, the pain in his chest wasn't less hurtful, it was more than he could imagine. The boy he loved, seeking a spell to shorten his life with his ex behind his back. Everything seemed so unreal, more like a stupid drama on those teenagers-targeted TV channels. But it was real, and Magnus was devastated. He had been betrayed a few times before, by his "friends" and lovers. However, this one had beaten him down. It didn't come to his mind thought Alec would go this far.

Magnus decided that he would not allow anyone to hurt him again. So he said goodbye to his once innocent Alexander, the one who used be to his, and left him in the chilling abandoned subway.

* * *

Magnus got a phone call when watching the re-run of the latest season of Project Runway. Lazily he grabbed the phone ringing "Material Girl".

"If you want a warlock to catch a hairless bat I suggest you to hung up right now." Those people annoyed him to no end. Yes he was a warlock, but he was the HIGH Warlock of Brooklyn. He doubted catching a human-size bat needed someone who held a high position like him.

The person on the other end didn't speak. "Great, are you mute? Don't waste my valuable time." Gritting his teeth, Magnus suppressed the urge to burn the phone. People need to get their priority right.

"It's Maryse Lightwood from the New York Institute. We would like to hire your service." Magnus didn't speak. _Is something wrong with Alexander?_

"Mr Bane?"_ Mr Bane_, right.

"I thought I told your son that I want nothing with you guys anymore. Did he not pass on the message?" He thought he had let it go. Magnus wanted to laugh, laugh at himself even many years had passed, deep down inside he still cared about the boy.

"I understand but there are no other options. We've asked for others and it is not working. I know what you've done on Clary. The Institute would pay double."

From the tone of Maryse, he knew it was not that simple. All these years the Lightwoods had been avoiding him with ultimate determination. Ever since the last battle, not a word was heard from those shadowhunters. He might not want to see them again, but he would sacrifice a bit for such generous payment.

"Triple."

"It's our fortune having your assistance." _This must be important to the Clave._ Magnus didn't give a second thought as he might back down moments later. "Now?"

Maryse answered, sounded tired but strong. "Yes. Someone will meet you at front door. Thank you very much Mr. Bane."

The formality of Maryse reminded Magnus how distant the Lightwoods had become. At first Jace and Isabelle had called and banging at his door, trying to save the broken relationship. All they got was silence and sometimes rage. Eventually they gave up, and not once in the following 15 years had they crossed path. Hell, he didn't even attend the funerals of Robert and Isabelle. Now he was hired by the Clave, meeting Maryse in the Institute. Magnus didn't know how to handle if he met the infamous Lightwood children. They were strangers in Magnus's life.

"Whatever." He got up from the couch and the episode finished right on time. Looking at the screen, he muttered. "I'll have to miss it again I guess."

* * *

Spring is the favorite season of Magnus. It was always bright and colorful, excellent time for him to show off his fashion sense and he needed not to worry about keeping his sexy body warm.

Magnus spotted a guy was sitting at the steps that led to the front door of New York Institute. He didn't know who that was and was kind of surprised, as he thought only Lightwoods were living there. Stepping closer, Magnus made out the guy's features. His lean body was wrapped in a soft white plain shirt with dark blue form-fitting jeans, matched by a pair of combat boots. His slightly tanned skin was shining under the sunlight. Instead of the toned muscles Alec had, he was more swimmer-built. Magnus could imagine how flexible the body was.

He was obviously spacing out. He only noticed Magnus when he stood in front of him. Immediately shot up, he held out his hand to greet Magnus. "Warlock Bane?" Magnus took his hand and received a firm handshake. "Maryse told you everything?" The guy flashed a genius grin and answered, "She told me I'll be waiting for a gentleman. Please come with me?"

Getting a slight nod from Magnus, the stranger walked in the front. Magnus were sure he had never met this handsome before: ash brown hairs with a pair of light blue eyes – more like grey as he observed – and angular jaws. He was not older than 30 in Magnus's estimation. The way he walked was light and carefree, but also silent. Well, he supposed it was natural for a shadowhunter.

"May I ask your name? Sorry to say this but I've never seen you around." asked Magnus. His was curious about this mysterious beauty.

He slowed down a bit, in order to walk besides Magnus. When he looked at Magnus's yellow-green cat eyes, he smiled again. "Gabriel Prophete or Gabe. I only moved here seven years ago. I guess we haven't met because of the lack of luck, Mr. Bane." Gabriel was polite for sure and Magnus could hear some French accent.

And there was silence. It was a comfortable one as Magnus somehow found himself calm next to this young man. Even he was travelling through the familiar hallway – those hideous paintings still hanging in there – those once painful memories seemed to be shifting far. "Magnus is alright. Why are you here? I can see you're not local." Magnus didn't like the feeling of knowing nothing, especially about Gabriel. His instinct told him this man was not a nobody.

"I would like to tell you but we are here. Maryse is waiting for you." Magnus didn't realize they had reached the door of library. He smiled and walked right in. Gabriel followed.

Behind the wooden desk was Maryse. She was old now, the scars of time crafted on her face contrasted the softness in her eyes. "Mr. Bane, it's been a long time." Magnus didn't say a word, as he was thinking what to reply, then Maryse's voice stopped him. "Gabriel, would you tell Alexander to pick up Adela and Cyril for me? I have business to discuss." _Alexander._

"Sure. It's nice chatting with you Magnus."

Magnus settled himself in the chair and crossed his long legs. He couldn't set his thought down. "Who is he?" Maryse spared a glance at him as she sipped at her tea. "Gabriel?"_ Who else would have been?_

"Yeah. He seemed unfit. Such a bright fellow in this dull and boring Institute." Magnus might be wrong, but there was pity in her eyes. "Should we get back to business?" This _smooth_ change of topic of course would not stir his suspicions.

"Okay. What's wrong?" Magnus changed his postures and slightly leaned forwards.

"Here is this werewolf girl witnessed a murder involving some downworlders and somehow her memory is blocked. We believe some warlock did this so that no one would know who he is."

"A block is easy to remove, though it takes some time for the memory to surface. Where is this girl?" Still, Maryse was hiding something. It was not his place to ask. He was just here to remove a block, and then he could go home.

Maryse sighed heavily, "The girl was attacked last night when she went to her house packing. Jace and Clary were hurt too, nothing serious just some scratches. They were in the infirmary resting. They told me it was a warlock, foreign I guess, since we have records of local downworlders. He must have sneaked into the border without alarming the machine." The barriers were only set around New York City after the last battle due to precautious measurement. Every creature belonged to the shadow world would alarm the Institute once they made contacts with the barriers by having their names shown in the paper. Magnus had crossed the border a few times and he believed it was simple to stay hidden from the shadowhunters for a warlock, as he had found some grey areas himself.

"I'm not criticizing, but the barriers are not difficult to break. Any warlock would have detect the weak spots and enter. If this particular warlock wants to get in without being noticed, it is a piece of cake." This didn't relieve Maryse's worry, in fact it only deepened. "I guess we will have to mend the fold after the downworlders have been murdered."

Magnus raised his eyebrows, "Downworlders are being murdered?" Maryse spoke as she leaned back on the chair, staring at the ceiling. "Yes. There are three cases started this month. We reported to the Clave and we found that it also happened earlier in other places. They were brutally killed, heads cut off with organs scattered around the bodies." She massaged her tiring eyes, looked directly ay Magnus's shocked expression. "This is urgent."

* * *

Magnus would never want a killer living in his neighborhood. He didn't want his peaceful life got ruined by some murderous warlock. Sometimes he wished he was just a mundane.

He refused Maryse's offer to walk him to the infirmary. She needed proper rest. Thinking of infirmary, the only clear memory was the one time Alec was poisoned by a greater demon. Even they were no longer together, Magnus still could feel the exhaustion of spending all his magic and the dreadful condition of Alec appeared in his head while walking closer to the infirmary.

Red and gold. He could easily recognized Clary and Jace, though they didn't look quite the same last time they met. They were more intimate, shoulders touching shoulders sitting at the chairs besides the occupied bed. Magnus could hear the conversation barely. Not before he could say hi, Jace turned around and said, "Hello Mr. Bane." _Again._

"So _nice_ to see you, Jace. And Clary." He stood at the end of the bed, greeting the couple. They both seemed fine, no wounds on their bodies. Clary gained some weights but still in shape, Jace put his arms over her shoulder protectively, muscles flexing during movements. "It's been too long." Clary complained in a light tone but there was happiness. A smile unconsciously crept into his face. Jace shouted, throwing his hands up like a child. "Stop eyeing my wife." _He didn't change much._

So they were married. Magnus couldn't help but shook his head. "I don't do married people. You can relax." Shifting his attention, there was a girl lying on the bed watching Magnus with caution. "You are the witness?" Clary wanted to speak but Jace intervened, earning a pouting of Clary. "She is Daisy. Last night we were with her but a fat ass warlock jumped out and attacked us. The only thing that I'm sure is that it is a guy."

Magnus could see how tense Daisy was, and Clary assured her that he was here to remove the block. It seemed everyone was informed Magnus would be here.

Daisy slowly sat up and leaned against the headboard. "Hi." She was weak, and when Magnus reached his hand out she flinched a little. "It's okay, Magnus is a friend of us. We've known him for ages." Clary spoke up again. She had this motherly scent floating around her. She was expecting a child.

"Close your eyes and don't push yourself too much." Magnus carried on the spell as Daisy rested her head on the board. It was harder than he had imagined, the block was powerful. He was already spent when he found the weak spot of the block. Daisy fell asleep during the process.

"Would it be okay for you to stay here until the block is completely removed?" Maryse shuffled towards Magnus. Apparently she didn't rest as Magnus told her to after he left. _What a stubborn family._ Magnus thought.

Jace had pulled him a chair, Magnus relaxed his body as long as his bum touched the hardness. He was dozing, but responded. "I guess you don't want to wait then? I will finish this up tomorrow and now I need to sleep." His eyelids were dropping down, ignored Magnus's protest. Clary volunteered to take him to a guest room.

As they were walking, Clary asked in concern. "How have you been Magnus?"

Magnus knew lying was no use, "Normal."

"Did you find someone?" she wanted it to come out causally, but instead it sounded like prying. "No. I'm sick of the times worrying my other half might meet a sudden death. I do have some sexual partners, if that's what you guys like to call." He tried to make himself look like he didn't care; however, Clary got what he implied.

"We just want you to be happy, that's all. It's good to see both of you getting back on track."

"We?"

"Yeah. You know…" They arrived to the ugly decorated guest room.

Suddenly Magnus changed the conversation. "Who is Gabriel?" Clary tightened her grip on the door handle, relaxed it a second later. This tiny gesture didn't escape from Magnus's sharp eyes. "You met him?"

He answered honestly, "He greeted me at the front door. All I'm saying is how come I've never met him before?" Clary turned the handle and opened the quacking door, holding it for Magnus to get in. "He moved here seven years ago. You'd never met each other because we told him to avoid you."

"I know, but why is he here?" Magnus's interest only grew stronger when Clary acted weirdly since he mentioned Gabriel. Clary took a long breath, as if a bad news was coming.

"Alec met him when he was in Montreal for a mission. Gabe moved here to chase after him. Love at first sight, as Gabe told us."

"So they are – "

"They're together for four years now."

Alexander and Gabriel were together.

_His Alexander._


	2. Chapter 2: Reencounter

**Disclaimer:** All the characters belong to Cassandra Clare.

**A/N:** Thank you guys for all the support! This chapter mainly focuses on Magnus POV, next one will be the Alec POV.

* * *

**Chapter 2: Reencounter**

The night Magnus had rested a bit, and pulled himself a spell in order to sleep without the visit of nightmares, or memories that he tried all he could to forget in the past 15 years. Alexander Lightwood had moved on, happily living with his boyfriend Gabriel Prophete. This thought haunted him every time he closed his eyes. Out of desperation he used his just regenerated magic to cast a sleeping spell. How pathetic.

In the morning he was woken by the knocking of the door. Three in a row, then a voice spoke. "Magnus, are you awake?" it was Gabriel. Magnus's heart sunk down a bit, and he wanted to open a portal and head home. _Did Gabriel know about him and Alexander? Is he making fun of him under the façade?_

Magnus found himself unable to speak out loud, a sign showing his energy was not fully recovered yet, but he managed to drag his body to the door. Gabriel remained outside, figuring if he should leave or stay. Just before he knocked again, the door was opened and quacked as usual. He quickly drew his hand back to his side, and the look of Magnus concerned him.

"Are you alright? You didn't look so great." Magnus was nude from make-up, still in his yesterday clothing. "Just need some more rest. Is something wrong?" Good, the sky was not lightened by the sun and he was disturbed by the shadowhunter.

Gabriel seemed guilty waking him like this. "Nothing, Maryse wants to check on you and see if there is anything you need. I suppose I will go now and leave you to bed." Although Magnus wanted to hate him, hate this _scumbag_ for having his Alexander, he couldn't get the heart to do so. Gabriel possessed some kind of…_ something_. His mere presence had the ability to make people at ease. And his apologetic look made Magnus felt he was the one who did wrong.

There was a growl from Magnus's stomach. He didn't know why but he was embarrassed. Luckily Gabriel just asked, "Breakfast? We made some pancakes." It might be a good idea to eat since last evening his mouth hadn't taken in anything solid. Magnus nodded, smoothened some wrinkles on his newly-bought shirt. Quietly he followed Gabriel to the kitchen.

During the way Magnus controlled himself pretty well. He guessed though he was Alec's ex, he shouldn't ask too much questions. It would make him look like he still loved him. Which he wasn't.

He _hoped _so.

Gabriel was the one who spoke first. "It must be hard, right?" Seeing Magnus was confused, he added. "Immortality." It certainly was not a topic Magnus wanted to discuss, and he wondered why Gabriel brought it up.

"It has ups and downs." A short answer shall be enough to show he didn't want to continue on.

The brown-hair man took the hint, and slowed down his pace for Magnus. He locked his glance at the kitchen door, and stopped all of a sudden. Gabriel stared right at Magnus's half-opened eyes, without lifting his head. "I know you and Alec used to be a couple." His hands were behind the back, Magnus was sure he was fidgeting. "So?"

"Thank you."

"What was that for?" Magnus was truly confused now. This Gabriel dude was too nice. He turned a bit to face Gabriel properly, waiting. "Loving Alec. He told me what you guys had been through and I want to thank you for that. He loves you, he still does." His expression was unreadable. There was no trace of sadness or anger.

"But he's with you now." Such a simple fact, but just saying it hurt Magnus.

"I won't ask for more. I just want you to know that there is always a place for you in his heart. Solely belongs to you. Do you know how lucky you are?" Gabriel walked again, turning his back to Magnus. His voice was a bit shaky, but recovered soon once they stepped in the kitchen.

Magnus could see him sitting at the end of the table, playing the scraps of pancakes with a silver fork in his long fingers. He was just like what Magnus had thought it would be when Alec reached his 30s. Hairs still black and tangled, wearing his out-dated black sweaters and baggy jeans, marks peeking their heads out from the collar and sleeves. Alec lifted his head when he heard movements, and smiled once he saw his boyfriend. Gabriel gave him a kiss on the cheek, tenderly fondling the back of Alec's neck.

Alec's smile didn't fade when he made eye contact with Magnus, on the contrast his smile widened. It's still the same shade of blue that consumed Magnus. Stubble was on his clear line of jaw, not obvious if people didn't take a closer look. He was broader and thicker than the foolish teenager Magnus used to see every day.

"Magnus."

He couldn't hold it. Everything seemed unchanged and different at the same time. 15 years ago he thought he would be the one to watch Alec changed from an 18 year-old to a mature sexy man. And he missed the chance. He missed it all.

"Magnus? You okay?" Alec spoke louder, and Magnus's thought was pulled back to reality. Gabriel's hands were now on Alec's shoulder. "Fine. Can I have some?" He could hardly find his voice. God why did he have to see Alec again when he was in this wicked stage?

Gabriel moved away to grab a plate and put some pancakes from the pan for Magnus. The plate was set next to Alec, where Magnus would like to avoid. He cursed under his breath – Gabriel placed it there for some reasons.

As he approaching Alec, Gabriel tossed his own dishes into the sink and blended down to circle his arms around Alec's neck. Alec didn't seem to mind and he leaned into his embrace. "I'll go training, take your time." He whispered, and planted a small kiss on Alec's red lips after Alec turned his head and touched the angular jaw with his nose. This stung Magnus's heart.

"See you around, Magnus." Magnus forced a smile when Gabriel said his goodbye. How great, he lost his appetite when he needed them most. The turtle-like speed of the energy regeneration started to annoy Magnus. He closed his eyes and rested his head on his hand, chewing the chocolate-flavored pancakes. He tensed up when Alec moved closer.

Alec stopped at an acceptable distance, an arm length between two of them. "I hope you don't mind about me and Gabe." Magnus had this hallucination that Alec and him were still together, as he saw how Alec was shifting uncomfortably on the chair. Just like old times.

"Why would I? It's been 15 years. We need to move on." He lied. He _wished_ he could move on.

Alec didn't take his answer, "Clary told me you're not seeing anyone. I hope it's not because of me." His sweet Alexander, always scared to be the burden, always assumed he was to blame. Magnus wanted to scream, yelling at this boy that he had destroyed him; his heart was broken and beyond repairable, that he was the reason he couldn't love anymore – the betrayal had left him incapable of engaging in a relationship without fears creeping into his sleep every night.

But Magnus would not let Alec see what he had done to him. "Don't flatter yourself. I'm enjoying my single life, no attachments." He knew he sounded weak and blamed it on the lack of sleep. "Jace and Clary are expecting." It was lame, but Alec followed his flow.

"Yeah. It was their third one now. Adela is ten and Cyril is four next month. Clary was swearing she would not give birth anymore." Talking about children, Alec's face softened. It never occurred to his mind that a child would bring Alec so much delight.

Received no response from Magnus, Alec kept on talking. "Simon visits us sometimes and he's working at a game company. Something like Value or Vale. He moved away so we mostly talked through the phones. He taught us Skype but none of us really know what to do with it, except for Clary. By the way, his band still sucks."

They just sat there, Magnus stuffing pancakes into his mouth and Alec reporting the latest news of his long-lost friends. Magnus didn't realize how much had changed between the 15-year gap until then. Alec was more confident, not socially awkward and afraid to voice his opinion. As he mumbling about how naughty his nieces were, Magnus stopped him. "What about you?"

Alec gave a content smile, "The most difficult time has passed. When we broke up, I just laid on my bed days and nights. After the battle it got worse – you know, with my father and Isabelle. But I made it. And I met Gabe when I went to Montreal. The rest of the story is irrelevant, we ended up together." Magnus listened in full attention. He couldn't help but wonder how Alec's life had been. Just catching up, right?

He swallowed the last bite, silence kept them company. Comparing with Alec, he seemed to be the one who couldn't let it go, and it was exactly what Magnus wanted to avoid. It made him look like a stupid teenager sustaining his life with wishful thinking.

He sighed helplessly. There was nothing he could do now. Tapping on the table, he confessed. "Alexander… you might not want to hear it, but I love you. No matter what I do, drinking, partying, I always find my way thinking about you." Magnus cocked his head a bit to see Alec. The blank expression just hurt him more. _Congrats, you just made yourself a fool in front of your ex._

When Magnus tried to excuse himself to leave this mind-crushing situation, Jace walked in, looking exhausted. He barely looked at them when he slid into a seat next to Magnus, "Alec I can't go out tonight. Handling two kids is crazy enough, now Clary is picking up fights because of the hormones. By the Angel I want food." Alec and Magnus both stood up from their seats, and they stopped to wait for the others to move. Magnus shot his words, "I'll get more sleep and wrap it up at noon."

Alec looked at him intensely, as if searching for something. He nodded at last, fingers running through his disheveled hairs. "Great. See you later." Then proceeded to get a new plate for Jace. Jace silently watched them walking apart. Magnus quickened his pace once he was out of the kitchen as he heard Alec planning to investigate the murders with Gabriel that night.

A spell was all he needed right now, he didn't care how desperate it was. He needed a dreamless sleep, removed the god damn block and went back to his apartment.


	3. Chapter 3: Looking Forward

**Disclaimer:** All the characters belong to Cassandra Clare.

**A/N:** Not much progress, this chapter is about Alec. The next one will return to Magnus POV.

* * *

**Chapter 3: Looking Forwards**

When Maryse assembled everyone in the library, he knew something bad was going to happen. He couldn't quite remember what exactly his mother had said, all he could hear what the name _Magnus Bane_. He shuddered, and Gabriel was there to hold him. The warmth of Gabriel's hand made him calmed. Alec squeezed, Gabriel didn't complain. He just stood next to Alec and tightened his grip.

Gabriel was the best thing in his life for the past 15 years. Alec had abandoned his responsibility of a shadowhunter after the break-up. He couldn't lift his spirits to do anything, Jace tried to joke about it but Alec couldn't care less. It was hard to breathe, as he knew he screwed it all up. He made a mistake that granted him no return. And what hurt him to most, was that he was the guilty one. Magnus had been living on this world for fucking 800 years, and he was stupid enough to neglect the fact that he had Magnus's love. He was too greedy.

A year later, the war cost his family – his father Robert and Isabelle. The two people that had great influence on him, were gone before Alec could blink. He didn't attend their funerals, as he was still in the coma. The news was delivered by Maryse when he woke up a few weeks later. He lay on the bed, praying that it was just a dream. Only Angels knew how much he wished he could go back on the battlefield and saved their lives. But it was all too late. Like what he did to Magnus, everything was too late.

Seeing his mother returned to duty not long after the funerals, he realized he had been forgetting his. Jace and Clary were sharing his work, patrolling days and nights; tiredness started to crush them down. Alec made up his mind, he would not let the others bear the consequences he caused, so he picked up his bow and arrows and fulfilled his duty as a shadowhunter. It took him some time to adjust, but his remaining family was there to help him.

In the next couple of years, Alec's life was back to normal. He felt extremely lonely, having no one by his side while every day Jace and Clary showed up in pair. _Lovebirds had no shame_, Alec thought. Clary would sit on Jace's lap during dinners, feeding each other with one spoon. Sometimes he hoped he could find someone to share a double-bed, and Magnus popped into his head. He had to move on, as he guessed that's what Magnus was doing. Alec went to some mundane bars, hooked up once or twice. The emptiness after sex stopped him from looking for one-night comfort. What he needed was to be loved, and someone to love. He knew that _someone _would not be Magnus. He had accepted it years ago.

Then there was Gabriel. Due to the frequent unusual demonic activities in Montreal, the Clave wanted the New York Institute to send someone there to back them up. Originally Maryse recommended Jace, as he was one of the best shadowhunters among this generation. However, Jace refused because Adela was sick. She had been throwing up and losing weights. Though the Silent Brothers had assured him it was minor, Jace wanted to stay. Alec couldn't harden his heart to separate him from Adela, so he went to Montreal as a replacement.

At first he didn't feel too much about Gabriel. Alec was welcomed by the head of the Montreal Institute once he was out of the portal, Gabriel standing near the gigantic wooden door of the hall, grey eyes flashing with admiration behind the ash brown hairs. Unlike the colorless New York Institute, the one in Montreal was in Renaissance style. Art were crafted on the walls with detailed pillars, Alec thought he had went through the portal of time, travelling back to the early 15th century of Europe. Gabriel matched with the surroundings, bright and elegant.

During the six months, Alec and Gabriel grew closer. Alec would be lying if he said there was nothing between them. He supposed he was alone for too long. When someone like Gabriel, gentle, loving and considerate, came to his life and took care of him, he fell for it with no turning back. Gabriel was ordinary, just like Alec himself.

The last night Gabriel knocked on his door. Alec went for it. He pushed Gabriel against the wall and pressed his lips to Gabriel's. A simple kiss, then he pulled away. It was nothing like the kisses he shared with Magnus. They tasted different. After all Gabriel was not Magnus, and Magnus was the past that he couldn't reach. He needed to move on, but it was not the time. Gabriel understood, he saw the hesitation in Alec's blue eyes and hugged Alec tightly in his arms. That night Gabriel held him to sleep, it was what Alec had been longing for – someone who could provide him a sense of security.

The next morning Alec left without saying goodbye. He carefully not to wake up Gabriel, gabbed his small suitcase and went through the portal. He felt guilty towards both Magnus and Gabriel. After what he did to Magnus, he didn't deserve love from Gabriel.

But Alec underestimated him. Gabriel showed up one day at the New York Institute on the pursuit of Alec. He certainly didn't expect Gabriel would be this determined. While Alec was still fighting his feeling on whether he should allow him entering his life, Jace and Clary showed numerous supports. They thought it would be great for Alec to start a relationship and put Magnus behind. It took Alec three years to lower his guard and told Gabriel about him and Magnus. Alec exposed his dark side, the selfishness and naiveté. He was frightened that Gabriel would leave him after he heard the story, but he didn't, Gabriel accepted him as what he was.

He moved on. Life continued and then, Magnus intruded his life again.

* * *

For the past 15 years he had followed what Magnus said, avoided him with all his efforts. Yet fate was an interesting thing. When he heard Magnus was coming to Institute that afternoon, he ran. He volunteered to drop off Adela and Cyril at Jocelyn's, and wandering around the city for couple of hours until the Institute was safe. Although he knew this was an act of cowardice, he couldn't stand Magnus looking at him like a stranger. Gabriel didn't ask too much questions and let him be, something Alec was thankful for. Gabriel was confident in him that he could deal with his own problems.

It didn't go very well for their first encounter in 15 years. Magnus looked tired, and he's been avoiding his glance. Alec had seen Magnus like this before, right after he used up his magic. His worry lowered, as he knew Magnus was not hurt, only exhausted. He was still the same, Alec guessed 15 years was a short time for immortals. His ebony hairs were out of order, eyes half opened, wearing a plain violet shirt and tight black leather pants. It matched his glittery lavender-painted nails.

"Magnus." he called. Magnus's eyes were soulless.

"Magnus, You okay?" he raised his voice so that Magnus could hear him. His yellow-green eyes took a quick glance at Alec and casted them down.

"Fine. Can I have some?" Magnus's voice was a bit cracked. Alec just sat there and let Gabriel did his work. He realized he couldn't move.

Magnus sat distressfully next to him. Alec's heart arched when he saw Magnus was in this stage. He felt Gabriel's hands around him, and he leaned closer to him – this was their way of affections. No words but actions. "I'll go training, take your time." His breath was brushing Alec's back ear. Alec touched his jawline with his nose and got a peck kiss. He gained his confidence and moved closer to Magnus when Gabriel disappeared into the hallway, stopped once he noticed the stiffen form of Magnus's body.

"I hope you don't mind about me and Gabe."

"Why would I? It's been 15 years. We need to move on." Alec could tell Magnus was lying. He was not as oblivious as he was at 18. "Clary told me you're not seeing anyone. I hope it's not because of me." He could still see the look on Clary, worried about Magnus like he was her child. And he hated himself for doing those stupid things to Magnus. Magnus was suffering because of him.

"Don't flatter yourself. I'm enjoying my single life, no attachments. Jace and Clary are expecting." Sighed internally, Alec followed his change of topic.

"Yeah. It was their third one now. Adela is ten and Cyril is four next month. Clary was swearing she would not give birth anymore." The awkward silence was killing him. He had to say something to ease the tension. "Simon visits us sometimes and he's working at a game company. Something like Value or Vale. He moved away so we mostly talked through the phones. He taught us Skype but none of us really know what to do with it, except for Clary. By the way, his band still sucks."

Magnus sat there eating, Alec couldn't figure if his thought was here or not. Like a robot, Magnus stabbed a piece of pancakes and put in his mouth. When he mentioned Adela and Cyril cheated playing hide-and-seek, he was interrupted. "What about you?" _Maybe Magnus still cared._ Alec thought.

"The most difficult time has passed. When we broke up, I just laid on my bed days and nights. After the battle it got worse – you know, with my father and Isabelle. But I made it. And I met Gabe when I went to Montreal. The rest of the story is irrelevant, we ended up together." He wanted to act strong. He wanted to show Magnus he was looking forward, that he was mature to handle a relationship.

He heard a sigh. Magnus spoke in a low voice, as if he was hurt. "_Alexander_… you might not want to hear it, but I love you. No matter what I do, drinking, partying, I always find my way thinking about you." It was the subway-thing all over again. Magnus said he loved Alec, but then he ditched him. Alec couldn't help but wonder, if that so, why not took him back?

But it was too late now. They had missed the chance. 15 years of separation left them nothing but only embarrassment. Alec couldn't be with Magnus if every time his eyes lay upon the forever-19-year-old warlock, he reminded him of his naïve act. That was the consequence he had to bear.

Magnus pushed the chair backwards, trying to say something when Jace walked in and threw himself on the chair next to Magnus. "Alec I can't go out tonight. Handling two kids is crazy enough, now Clary is picking up fights because of the hormones. By the Angel I want food."

They stood up the same time, and waited for the others to move first. It never happened before.

"I'll get more sleep and wrap it up at noon." slurred Magnus.

This reunion was horrible. Alec tried to search for something in Magnus, something that no longer exist. The patience, the love. Magnus was brushing him off. "Great. See you later." Alec said. He couldn't think of a better answer. Seeing Magnus liked this, he had to let him go. Let Magnus get off the hook.

He took a new plate of pancakes for Jace. "I can go with Gabriel. We'll ask around the neighborhood to see if anyone knows anything." Jace gave a small nod and started digging in.

Magnus reminded Alec he didn't have much time left. He was 32 now, already spent half of his life. He was aging, but Magnus would still be the same. He regretted his stupidity, but it was useless. He had Gabriel in his life; someone who loved him and someone who he could return the love.


	4. Chapter 4: Fading Love

**Disclaimer:** All the characters belong to Cassandra Clare.

**A/N:** I don't know why, I think my writing is kind of suck since the last chapter. But I hope the plot can make it up and you guys please bear with me. Next chapter this story will come to an end. Thanks for all your support!

* * *

**Chapter 4: Fading Love**

When he left the Institute it was already 3 in the afternoon. He spent two hours removing the block, and the result was satisfactory. Though not all the memory was recovered, it was just a matter of time. See, he was the High Warlock of Brooklyn, not animal catcher. The magic was to be used for proper reasons; hunting down bats was not included.

Closing the door behind him, Magnus tossed his keys on the table. He would love to take a break. Resting his head on the handle of sofa, those depressed thought started to invade his mind. Alec moved on, and his love for Magnus was gone. Magnus couldn't ignore the affection filling the room when Gabriel and Alec were together. In a bystander's perspective, they made a lovely couple. Alec was obviously more relaxed and comfortable when Gabriel was around. The way they leaned close to each other, the gestures were all loving and caring. Magnus might be part of Alec's past, but he was a stranger in his now perfect life. As Magnus always said, the past didn't matter.

Magnus wondered how long his love for Alec was going to last. The boy had him trapped and gave in. He loved Alec more than he was willing to. 15 years, and he was stumbling around, chasing the ghost of the slowly vanishing love life.

_Jesus – when did he become this sentimental?_

The phone rang. Blue sparkles shot from his fingers, an explosion followed. Smoke was lifting in the air from the shattered pieces of metals. People should leave him at peace, even when it was business hours. Well, he could decide when to take calls, couldn't he? It was one of the few things left that he had control over.

He needed distraction. So he sent a message to a werewolf boy he fucked a few time, and waited for his arrival. It seemed the boy was eager, too, as he heard the buzzer 10 minutes later. Magnus let the boy in, pinned him against the door and kissed him right after he stepped into his apartment. His aggression excited the werewolf, earned an enthusiastic response and moans from the boy under him.

He pushed the boy onto his bed, and a shock hit him. The werewolf boy – had the same combination, black and blue. He never realized this until the shitty encounter early that day. One more evidence listed in front of his eyes that he hadn't let it go.

"Don't stop…" The boy rounded his legs around Magnus's waist, hands moving back and forth on his back. Magnus stared at the blue eyes. Those eyes were not as fascinated as Alec's. But he shook his head and sucked the tender skin of the werewolf's neck, leaving marks on the muscular torso.

* * *

"Magnus don't go near that thing!" Alec shrieked when he tightened his grip on Magnus's forearm. Magnus laughed heartlessly, so hard that he had a stomach pain. Alec screamed again when the tiny creature moved an inch closer, eyes staring at them. Magnus just blended down and pushed the spider onto the piece of paper, opened the hotel room door and let the animal ran with its eight long legs.

Magnus turned around to see Alec was curling into a ball under the comforter, entire body shaking. He figured where his head was, and tugged Alec close to his arms. "It's alright, the spider – "

"DON'T SAY IT!"

Chuckled, Magnus patted his back. "The area is safe now. Come out would you?" Who would have known Alec the shadowhunter was scared by a fingernail-size harmless spider? "It could slip through the door frame. You know it!" his voice was muffled by the comforter. His cute Alexander.

"No it won't. Even if it does come back, I will destroy it before it knows what's happened." Alec felt embarrassed by his phobia for spiders, but Magnus enjoyed it. He loved the feelings that Alec needed him, like he was his lifejacket when he was drowning. It was rare for Alec to show his weak side, the one required protection.

_"Magnus Bane please I need you!"_ Someone was banging their door, shouting endlessly for his need.

Wait, this was not how it was supposed to be. He and Alec were in France, as he remembered. They had a wonderful night without any disturbance. How come…?

_"Come on! You need to stop her!" _This was definitely wrong. He opened his eyes; the werewolf boy was sleeping on his chest. Oh right. He was dreaming.

As he planned to rest again, the boy suddenly sat up and ran off the bed, gathering his clothes and put them on messily. Magnus asked, "What's wrong?" The boy answered when he was buckling his belt. "You have a client. I should leave." Magnus now knew what the boy reacted like this. He never let the boy stayed after they were finished, but this time Magnus fell asleep and the boy slept with him. The werewolf was scared that Magnus was angry.

Magnus waved his hands, got off the bed to answer the stupid door. "Just go." The boy walked behind him as they entered the living room, a warlock was pacing around the room, sweating. The werewolf walked pass them and stormed out, he was obviously upset. Magnus guessed he would to, if he got treated like he was a toy. But it was not his concern. "Who the fuck are you?"

Once he saw Magnus, the warlock spoke. "Hector. This is an emergence and please come with me." The brown-red intertwined scaled tail was wiggling in a rapid speed, his table almost got knocked over. "What isn't?" Magnus was used to see his clients like this, panicking when nothing really serious happened. He could still remember the vivid image of a newly-turned vampire begging for help when she lost her fang. He crossed his arms.

His red reptile eyes flashing horror. "It is. She is going to kill those shadowhunters – god why am I so stupid!" he wrapped his arms around his scaled body, shaking involuntarily. "Shadowhunters?" Magnus's heart stopped.

"She is going to the house that werewolf lives and, and I can't control her. She broke my spell and I don't have – " Magnus grabbed his shoulders, shouted: "Shut up and tell me where!"

Quickly he sent a fire message to Maryse. The thrill caused his blood flowed to his limps, as he opened the portal Magnus's heart had never beating so fast that he felt it was going to jump out of his chest. _Please let him make it._

* * *

A whimper echoed in the pitch-dark back alley filled with dumpsters and rats. The girl kneeled down and lifted his head to meet her glare. _Fearless, even he is about to die._ Petrina thought. He was panting, grasping for air as he lost his energy after a long fight. For Petrina, he was gorgeous. The eyes spoke words, changed its color along with the emotions. Nothing like those she killed before, he stared right back at her dilated pupils.

"What a boy." He would be a good pet. However, he knew too much. And the hatred in his eyes stabbed a knife in her heart. Why did they look at her like that? Why did they think they were better? They must learn a lesson.

"I would love to keep you, but…" She moved her eagle-like sharp claws to touch the split lips, blood dropping down his neck and disappeared into the collar. _Those marks enhanced their abilities, and they thought they were superior?_ Petrina dug into the flesh covered in marks, the blue-eyed shadowhunter yelped in pain but he remained still. She made sure that her prey couldn't get away, used a spell to stop him moving.

She liked to hear him scream. "What do you feel – when he die? When he fell in front of you, did you see the life in his eyes?" Her claws were coated with crimson fluid and she cupped his face. "I wish I didn't kill him, so that I could have a good time with you two." His Adam's apple moved up and down as he swallowed, tears rushed down his pale blood-stained cheek. Oh the pain, she enjoyed every second of it. Who would not?

He shut his eyes close and a groan came out. She sighed, "Such a waste to be a shadowhunter. Goodnight beauty, as you're going to hell with your dead fellow." She held up her hand, white gleam glowing at the tips of her claws, and ache shot to her arms. She cried out in agony and loosened her grasp on the shadowhunter, hearing voices from behind.

"Petrina don't!" Two sets of footsteps are running towards the two figures in the middle of the alley, she stood up and turned around, eyeing the intruders. It was Hector and a warlock she didn't know. "Hector, they deserve to die and rot in hell! Don't interrupt me _again_." Her hands were burning, like she just caught on fire. Hector met her vicious glare and stepped closer, "Petrina this isn't you. Come to me and let him go. I don't want to do this to you!" Her head was pounding in pain. She remembered his embrace, the hugs that she was addicted to. And blood… their eyes –

Magnus watched her moved a step forward hesitantly, revealed the man he loved: Alec was lying on the ground near a pool of blood. He wasn't moving. Petrina, the downworlder murderer was standing still with lifeless eyes. "Hector you're wrong… I'm not Petrina, I'm a monster." A glowing white light was shining in her hand.

Before Hector rushed to her side, Magnus shot blue sparkles towards her. Her emerald eyes rolled to the back of her head, and collapsed next to a dumpster. Magnus could hear a thud when her head banged the cold wet dusty concrete. Hector jumped and yelled, "Did you kill her?" Magnus dropped his order while spurting to Alec. "No. Bound her hands."

Magnus checked his body to examine if there was any wound, and relaxed when the bleeding flesh was nothing major. He casted a spell to get rid of the invisible rope tying around his wrists and ankles, Alec was crying. "Alexander." Magnus could see the trace of tears as they kept running down. Alec just rolled over once he realized he could move. Despite the call of Magnus, he crawled his way further down the alley sobbing, and there he was.

Magnus threw his hand over his mouth when he saw the scene, eyes widened with shock. At the end of the alley there was a body, gears were tore and the heart was missing, replaced by a burnt hole between the broken ribs. Small pieces of flesh, a pair of spatha and a broken stele scattered around. Alec dragged his tired form, and reached his hand to the blood-soaked body. Magnus leaned against the damp wall with his side, failed attempting to slow down his rapidly beating heart. His knees were giving out.

Alec sat up once he had Gabriel. His body was like a puppet, hands and legs spread on the ground with a face white as sheet, blood dripping from the slightly parted lips. Alec rested the shadowhunter's head on his femur, fondling the ash brown hairs with shaking fingers. "Wake up, Gabe. It's over." He choked out his words, gently brushing strands of hair aside. Received no response, Alec coaxed. "Gabe let me see your eyes." Magnus listening to his pleading, trying to speak but his throat was too dry to spill out anything.

"Gabriel!" Alec's desperate cry let Magnus almost fell to his knees. He gathered his strength and stood next to Alec, patting his back and whispered, "Alexander…" Magnus never seen him like this, not even after Max died. He pulled Alec away a bit but he shrugged off his hands. Alec was blocking him as if he was there to take Gabriel from him. His back was shivering, the broad shoulders shrank. Alec just moved the body of the once alive shadowhunter closer, right hand clutching on the Gabriel's waist, tugging him up into a sitting position and let his drooping head bury between his shoulder blade and neck. Alec snuggled up to the cold body, biting his bottom lip preventing him screaming out loud.

Sobbing was all he could hear. Magnus just stood there with a weary heart, and waited till Alec let go.


	5. Chapter 5: Love that Destroys

**Disclaimer:** All the characters belong to Cassandra Clare.

**A/N:** Here is the last chapter :D! Thank you everyone for all your support, it means a lot to me.

* * *

**Chapter 5: Love that Destroys**

Today was the trial. Magnus wore his formal dressing walking towards the front door of the New York Institute. He was a witness, but it was not compulsory for him to attend. He just wanted to know the fates of the two warlocks.

He pressed the doorbell, waited for someone to answer. Staring at the steps, he remembered last time Gabriel was here daydreaming. He was invited to his funeral, but he didn't attend. He was still in disbelief that Gabriel was gone. Magnus shook the thoughts away as Jace and a golden-hair boy opened the door. The child had the eyes of Clary, freckles decorated the pale cheeks. His tiny hands were clutching at Jace's hem of shadowhunter's mourning clothing. The child was wearing white too, a simple bottom down shirt and trousers, pure like an angel. On the contrary, Magnus was all black.

"Magnus, Maryse is waiting for you in the library." He held the door for Magnus and asked the child to find Clary. "Cyril, go get your mum and sis okay? Tell them Magnus is here." Magnus could hear the affection through Jace's voice. Children could change a person a lot.

Cyril ran the opposite direction from them, as they headed towards the library. The sorrowful atmosphere was killing Magnus. The Institute returned to the creepiness and darkness it belonged to before Gabriel's arrival. And after he left, it seemed to be colorless. Even Magnus could feel that.

"How's Alec doing?" It had been two weeks since the unfortunate incident and Magnus still couldn't get rid of the image with Alec crying with a cold body in his arms. He had only met Gabriel twice, and he affected Magnus more than he had thought. During those two weeks, he constantly thought of the bright shadowhunter while working. Someone like him didn't deserve to fall like this.

Jace let out a weary sigh. "You know how he is. He blames himself. He goes hunting like a maniac escaped from the asylum, comes back with wounds and bloods then hides in his room." Magnus quietly listened to him, worried that Alec might be killed by doing those things. "It's worse than the time Max, Robert and Isabelle died. At least he stayed here. Now he just goes wild every time a demon shows up."

Magnus was not surprised by Alec's behavior. He was finding ways to punish himself. He knocked on the library door before entering. A portal had been set up and Maryse urged him to fasten his pace. Magnus looked at the clock, wondering why they needed to be this hurry since there was half an hour before the trial. And then he heard it. Jace seemed uneasy when the shouting started. "Go." He said. Maryse gave a quick nod and grabbed Magnus's arms to go through the portal.

* * *

Life sentence for Petrina and 200 years for Hector in prison, both would be chained in order to strain their magic. Without it, warlocks were nothing. Now Petrina would live like that for the rest of her life, which was likely to be an eternity, if nothing happened. Magnus guessed it was the cruelest punishment for immortals.

Magnus gladly accepted when Maryse asked if he would like to stay for dinner. He knew it would be take-outs from Taki, but he didn't care – he didn't want to spend the night alone in his apartment.

The six of them sat around the kitchen table, eating in silence. Except for Cyril, apparently he didn't know what happened. He was too young to understand the concept of death. He constantly asked where Uncle Gabe was and why Uncle Alec didn't eat with them. Clary just lied. She couldn't say it. "Uncle Gabe is visiting his family back in Canada. Eat your noodles or no reading tonight." Adela was clever and old enough to know what all the fuss was about, she whispered to Cyril, "Stop asking." And she picked a piece of chicken from her bowl to Cyril's. He obeyed.

In the middle of the dinner, Alec faltered in and surprised everyone. Maryse and Jace dropped their chopsticks into the containers and watched him with sharp eyes walking closer to the table. Cyril saw him, jumped out of his seat and hug Alec's thigh, as he was too short to reach the waist. Alec forced a smile and bended down, "Hi Cyril." His voice was dry. A freshly scarred mourning rune was on the side of his neck.

Cyril pouted his oily mouth, asked innocently. "When will Uncle Gabe come back? He promised to take me to the zoo." Magnus might have imaged it himself, but Clary sucked in a breath and scolded at Cyril for speaking while eating. Alec defended him, "It's alright. Cyril go back to your seat, Uncle Gabe doesn't like this, remember?" Cyril was scared that he broke the promise, so he moved his tiny legs to get to Clary, letting her put him back into the chair. Alec ignored their glances and opened the fringe.

Pain started to pound around Magnus's heart when he saw Alec. His shoulders were shivering, back bending as if he was an elder. Dark circles and bags appeared under his brandeis blues. Alec was not the 32-year-old man he saw last time, more like a man near retirement age. He searched for something, but closed the fringe with nothing in his hands. His breathing was fast and loud, it sounded like he had trouble with his lungs. Magnus gabbed his wrist when Alec walked pass him to the sink.

"Alexander."

Alec extracted his waist from Magnus's grip. "Don't!" he then pushed Magnus against the table, causing the wooden furniture moved a few inches back. Adela let out a short shriek in horror as she never saw her easy-going Uncle Alec like that, a starved lion launching at his prey. Maryse held Adela into her arms when Jace rushed to Alec's side and pulled him away from Magnus. "Calm down!"

Jace wrapped his arms around Alec's chest and stumbled a few steps back, both of them fell on the floor. Alec was out of control, Clary and Maryse brought the children out of the kitchen. Jace didn't let go even when Alec attacked his ribs with his elbows. Magnus captured his flying hands and positioned himself between Alec's now feeble legs. "Alexander, look at me!" His tightly-shut eyelids opened to reveal a pair of teary eyes, staring right back at Magnus's caring pupils of feline.

"Let me go…" he begged and started crying. Jace exhaled a deep breath, loosened his grip on Alec. He stood up and run his fingers through his golden hairs. "Magnus, please help him." Jace pleaded, then he went to look for the others.

Alec was immersed in the emotions, sobbing through breaths. As Magnus didn't expect anything from him other than crying his heart out, he wailed. "My room." Magnus didn't hesitate and carried him in the bridal style. Alec buried his head into Magnus's neck, hands clutched at his back. He could feel the tears running down his skin and wetted his clothing.

Magnus kicked open the quacking door, and placed Alec gently on his double-size bed, a white plain shirt was on one of two pillows. The room was a mess, worse than a bat cave. Pieces of clothes were filling the floorboard. Four empty boxes tidily set next to the pile of bright color clothing in the corner of the room, he assumed those belonged to Gabriel.

Alec curled himself into a foetal position, trying to slow down his breathing. Magnus walked around the bed and crouched down to pat Alec's legs. "I'm here for you, Alexander. No matter what happened, I'm here."

Magnus couldn't see much in the dark as he didn't turn on the light. He heard Alec's cracked voice. "I was thinking about you." Alec turned to his side to grab Gabriel's shirt and resumed his position, continued his mumbling. "That night with Gabe, I was thinking about you." Magnus got the subtle meaning. He wished Alec could have just stopped right there.

"He said he wasn't bothered by me thinking about another man, saying it was normal after seeing your ex." Alec wiped the tears with the bed sheet. "When he knocked on the door, I should've known. But I was… I was thinking about you." Magnus kneeled on his ankles; he already knew what was going to happen. Buried his face into his palms, "Stop it, Alec."

He did stop. Somehow Alec calmed down and sat up, spreading his legs to surround Magnus's quivering body. He cupped his face, lips shaking. "Kiss me." Magnus let out a sarcastic laugh, "You told me I was a part of it to get Gabriel killed; now you want me to kiss you?" Alec's eyes darted to his parted lips, and leaned in to plant a sloppy kiss. Magnus moaned into the touch, recalling how good it tasted.

However, it wasn't the same anymore. The sweetness and passion were replaced by bitterness and guilt. Alec asked for entrance with his tongue tracing the line of his bottom lip. Magnus pulled away and laughed again when he saw the numb expression on Alec. They stared at each other like a stranger.

They both knew what that kiss was for, and they got what they wanted.

* * *

Magnus was waiting in his apartment. When he received a call from Clary that Magnus was needed, he sighed nonetheless – even he was going to babysit three little brats who brought him numerous joys. The relationship between Magnus and the shadowhunters improved, as both parties had realized no matter what they did, their paths were going to cross. If that's the case, why not maintain a friendly relationship?

The same couldn't be said on him and Alec. While Maryse was kinder to Magnus and Jace and Clary hung out with him sometimes, Alec kept a distance. In the past Magnus would consider Alec was being awkward, but he knew better. His thought was interrupted by the buzzer, and he opened the door.

* * *

Alec climbed up the stairs, Max sleeping peacefully in his arms. Adela followed with Cyril holding her hands. The door at the end of the hallway swung open and Magnus emerged from the frame, wearing clothes that Alec didn't understand. He smiled when he walked into the apartment, which currently was in maize simple style. "Good mood?" Magnus asked. It was rare for him now to have genuine positive emotions. Normally he would feel nothing.

Adela and Cyril ran to Magnus yelling that they wanted to watch those comics, last time they didn't finish the series before Jace picking them up. Magnus hushed them to sit on the fluffy couch and waited for his magnificent to return while Alec placed the nine-month-old Max into the cradle next to the couch. Alec pocketed his hands into the dark blue form-fitting jeans, and when Magnus came back with arms full of comic books, he told Magnus he was leaving.

But Magnus pulled him back from the door, "So you can stay in your little room? Spend some time with us, would you?" he was right, Alec was planning to stay in his room for the afternoon, maybe reading some books or trying to pack Gabriel's things again. As he was making some excuse, the children looked at him with puppy eyes. "Come on Uncle Alec, stay with us." He couldn't say no. Who could say no anyway?

"Alright." He settled in the couch and Magnus sat cross-legged on the floor, reading out the story of those superheroes in Marvel. Alec rested his chin on his hand, while listening to Max's even breathing and the two's exciting shouts. _Magnus was good with kids._ He thought. Magnus's soft lips were moving fast as they were in the part where a fight was about to begin.

Alec remembered the last time they kissed. It was the night after the trial. He had a feeling that Magnus knew what his intention was: it was a test. He knew the answer right away when Magnus pulled apart. Kissing was supposed to express love. Yet he felt nothing, just skin rubbing skin. He lost the ability to love. Magnus knew it too; Alec could see the face of Magnus, the realization that those broken things, like Alec, couldn't be repaired. Then, would Magnus still love him, even when Alec was no longer capable to return his love?

He secretly refreshed the mourning rune on his inner thigh every time it started to fade. The feeling of Alec himself pushed Gabriel to his death was engulfing his heart. Gabriel was dead because of his fatal mistake. He was distracted while patrolling. He had sworn that he would never let others to bear the consequence he caused, but here he was.

The cry of triumph startled Max and he started crying. Adela and Cyril shut their mouths immediately and Magnus ran for the baby. He gave Alec a reassuring smile and cuddled the throbbing Max into his embrace, who quickly fell back to sleep. Alec closed his eyes for a moment, wondering what kind of mess he got himself into. "You can sleep in the guest room." whispered Magnus, softly into his ears when he placed the baby back into the cradle.

Alec refused. Simply because the apartment suffocated him, recalling the times he spent there. He didn't need one more reminder of the old times.

* * *

Magnus let it slide, and went back to handle the two naughty to-be shadowhunters. Alec didn't seem to care anymore, about people around him. The things he did were more due to the obligation and responsibility. He watched Alec's furrowed eyebrows when he fell asleep on his couch. Alec was blocking everyone out of his world and licking a wound that would never heal. Magnus loved him, like always. He wouldn't lie on such serious matter. But he found himself tired trying to let Alec trust him again, to let him understand there was nothing love couldn't do.

He already gave up the hope that Alec and him would be back together, not after what happened to Gabriel. It was enough for Magnus to stand by Alec, watching and protecting him. He guessed that's what love did, even Magnus was not with Alec – the one he loved the most in this chaotic and troublesome world – but as long as Alec was content, he was. There was nothing he could ask for more.


End file.
